New York

I have been extremely busy and lazy at the same time.

These past weeks I have quit my job, moved house, stopped going to the gym, started eating lots of food, not feeling good about that, created a few things, sold things I've made, sold things I didn't need.
I've spent a fair amount of money on things that I think I will need in America. Like Aesop travel toiletries. New jeans, travel shoes, (they were a gift from Tony) books for the plane ride, ear plugs for hostel snorers, eye mask for sleeping in a bright city, a hat because I cant decide whether or not to cut my own hair. Its too billowy at this moment in time so the hat will flatter and hide it, but I know if i cut it wrong I will need the hat to hide it as well. I am torn between my instincts to just chop it off and the fact that I know that everytime I have cut it myself I hate it and keep cutting until I don't ever want to go out in public again. I even have a hairdressers appointment for Saturday I just don't know if I can wait that long.

So.... New York, what do you have in store for me?

I feel like I am only telling people that I am excited because that's what they expect I should be. In fact I'm so nervous about being out of my comfort zone that I really don't want to get on that plane, be stuck on that plane for 14 hours, have no space of my own for 14 hours. Have to poo on that plane. Have to eat plane food, be stuck on that plane where I will have no control over anything.
I don't like it one bit.
Then I will get to enjoy New York for 2 weeks until the next plane ride, then I will enjoy North Carolina for 9 days, until the next plane ride back to New York and then try to enjoy New York for 3 more days until I have to get on another big long plane ride home.
I wish i knew it was going to be such a big deal for me and I would have spent some time trying to learn ways to deal with it, but now I have 2 days to go and I have to get on a plane and hopefully not make a scene and embarrass myself.

New York I hope that I can get past these fears and actually enjoy your company. And I will try my hardest not to let them get the better of me. Because I would really like to have fun. I would really like to be inspired and see lots of fun things and eat some good food and drink some good coffee.
I'm going to take my camera and my notebook and I'm going to keep track.

Please be kind to me